FAQs, about me AND France

So what's new?

I wish I had I better answer for that. Nothing, really. I have classes at Campus de Bissy through July but after that I don't really know what I'll be doing with my life. I have applied to a bunch of schools and the regional school system but I am still waiting to hear back. The system needs a copy of my diploma from Ithaca, which obviously did not make the cut of things that came to France but I'll figure it out. There are massive unknowns all up in my life right now and I am desperately trying to keep my ultra-Type-A-compulsive-planning self from imploding. I am slowly learning how to take things in stride but it has not been easy.

And on the topic of things I have to get used to, now that Jason is kind of a big deal, he has a lot more traveling lined up and I have to adjust to being by myself more often. He has been back in the US for the last couple weeks for a conference and he has his commencement ceremony tomorrow. I am not a huge fan of being alone but I know how much all of this means for his career. I am super proud of him and I am sad I can't be there for his graduation, but with only one of us really working at the moment, and wedding season coming up this summer, it was tough to justify buying another plane ticket. Oh well. I have a bottle of champagne waiting for his return on Sunday and we will both be back in the US together in August.

Speaking of Jason and weddings... aren't you guys getting married?

I guess that's typically what happens shortly after you get engaged, isn't it? Did you know that it's really hard to plan a wedding from another continent, even with a very committed team of people back home? We have made the decision to wait until we get back from this French adventure to get married. It will be nice to be able to spend some time with friends and family, both before and after the wedding rather than trying to squeeze it in to some random weekend when we're home for two seconds. Plus, all those handy kitchen appliances that people love to give as wedding gifts will not work in the outlets over here. Womp womp.

Despite the random stretches of time apart and the inherent stresses of moving to a country where you have a rudimentary command of the language, things are really great with us. This whole experience has already helped both of us grow as individuals and as a couple. I am coming to understand that the world will not end if I am not in complete control 100% of the time. Somehow, I have learned to be more self-sufficient but also how to depend on others and ask for help. Jason's big lesson is patience. Nothing goes as fast or works as immediately as he'd like but it's okay. It will happen and in the meantime, there's no use getting upset about it.

Has any of the magic of living the expat dream worn off yet?

I don't want to burst anyone's bubble, but "magical" may be a bit of an exaggeration. Bordeaux is beautiful and I really like it here but living in France is not drastically different from living in the US. Biggest differences: Food is of way better quality and therefore it's better for you and somehow it's cheaper that junk food. I have amazing wine and cheese and bread within three seconds of me at any time. There are buildings here that have been around for centuries before my country was even a twinkle in our forefathers' eyes. It's amazing to be surrounded by all this history all the time but because I'm not a tourist but a resident, I look at it all with through a different lens. I am definitely taking my time and enjoying just living here, instead of running around trying to do as much as possible like I usually do when I travel.

A big thing I have noticed lately: People give way less of a shit about everything here, which is both a blessing and a curse. If someone gets upset, they'll mumble some passive aggressive remark under their breath but then move on because it's just not worth fighting about. (Except this guy. He really didn't like gays.) The French do, however, love to debate when it comes to politics and they are typically a bit more informed than the average American. I try to avoid these discussions because I am always grossly underprepared. They are also a huge fan of strikes and manifestations. They must be effective or they wouldn't happen all the time. It's slightly inconvenient when you need to get somewhere and the trains are blocked but hey. Fight for what you believe in, right?

Perhaps it's the socialism, but there just isn't the same sense of competition here as I felt in the US. I always felt like everyone back home had something to prove but here, the dream is to have an okay job and stay in it forever. It's not quite the defining factor that it is in the States. In France, your job is just that thing you do 35 hours of the week between eating baguettes and drinking coffee. I might be a bit too work-oriented to be okay with that (hence my frustration in still not having a real job) but at the same time, I appreciate their focus on family and leisure activities.

What do you miss most about the US?

I miss my rugby team a lot. I never got around to checking out the team here. For a while, I used the weather as an excuse and that it was kind of tough to get to from my old place but neither of those things are true anymore. I was also claiming that I wanted to spend more time with Jason when he got here but now that we're both a little more settled into life here, I know he would 100% support me if I wanted to go out for the team. Along those lines, I miss being physically active. I haven't put on weight or anything because I walk like a million miles a day but it's not quite the same is being fit. Skinny = out. Strong = in.

I miss having close friends. There's no substitute for time and when people have been in your life for years and watched you evolve, it's impossible to have someone new just roll in a try to fill that place. That's hard. But this is also just part of being an adult so it's not France's fault. I'm not mad at you, France!

I miss Mexican food. You just can't get it here.

Anything that you're glad to have left behind?

It was definitely time to leave my school so that worked out nicely. I very much miss having a classroom (and an income fitting of a 28-year-old with a Masters degree) but I think it was good for me to put this distance between me and what had become a negative environment. I have a chance to step back and reflect on my time in the classroom before going back and doing an even better job than before.

As much as I loved all my roommates, I am glad that it's just Jason and I for the moment. Doing other people's dishes was getting old.

Much to my surprise, I don't miss driving and I have adjusted to the random store hours. I just plan better and we all know how much I love plans. Another hidden benefit of moving to France: my relationship with my dad is the best it has been in probably 15 years. We never had huge issues or anything but I turned into an angst-ridden independent teenager and we just stopped hanging out as much as we used to. (Truth be told, I don't know why anyone hung out with me during that time. Yikes!) Once I left Rochester, we hardly ever spoke except when I was home or my parents were visiting. Now, we Google Hangout about once a week and chat like old buddies. It's AWESOME. Thank you, Google, for helping me remember how much I love my dad!

Final thoughts on France for the moment?

Even if it's not the romantic fantasy world of the silver screen, I am still feeling pretty lucky to be here. It's crazy to think how much my life has changed in the last year and despite the small hiccups here and there, I'd say it has been tremendously positive. I speak French now, which is pretty cool. No one believes that I'm French yet but they also don't automatically assume I'm American, which is a pretty huge compliment in terms of language skills. Sorry, fellow anglophones. It's not our fault the sounds in French and English are nothing alike! I feel comfortable here and that's a big hurdle to get over. It's hard to be homesick when you've made a kick-ass new home for yourself.

I live in France and it's pretty great.

Assorted Thoughts

Why do we still have this washing machine that doesn't work, cluttering up our bathroom? I have been promised that someone will contact me concerning it's removal and replacement, but no such contact has taken place. Irritation abounds.

This whole month the temperatures have been in the 50s and 60s with rain almost everyday. It's not as bad as the winter but still, this is ridiculous. It's almost June. Where's the heat?

I never watched Miami Ink in the US, but I am obsessed with it now that there's French dubbing. Random, I know, but I can't get enough.

Jason and I are growing pepper plants from some seeds his dad sent us. I was embarrassingly excited on the day I first saw the sprouts finally start to peek up out of the soil. I did a little dance and may have even squealed. Don't judge. Nature is awesome.

Is it wrong to be jealous of a three-year-old's shoe collection? This little girl is more fashionable than me and I don't know if I'm comfortable with it.

I met a man from Senegal at the prefecture the other day and it turned out that he works at this taco restaurant down the street. In my eagerness to eat tacos and potentially pick up a summer job, we exchanged phone numbers. Unfortunately, he dropped the "You are just so beautiful" bombshell one day and I have managed to dodge all of his attempts at communication since. Why can't you be more like the guys at the kebab place and just wave to me from afar, offering me discounted meals when I come in wasted at 1:30am? By the way, the tacos were good but they're not real tacos.

I love grammar but I hate pointless grammar exercises. There is no good reason for mechanical fill-in drills that have no relation to our communicative goals. The 1970s called. They want their foreign language instructional methods back.

For the first time in the 28 years of my life, I legitimately skipped school and went to the beach. It was worth it, but I still felt guilty. Seriously, Nicole? Nerd.



I was cat-sitting for one of Jason's co-workers earlier this month and it made me really miss Carlos. Huggie the rental cat was cool, too, but definitely not anywhere even close to my buddy Carlito! Full blown cat-lady status: achieved!

Carlos, you are crazy and I love you.

 

Suck It Up

Recently said in conversation by a straight man: "This gay guy was hitting on me the other day. He was like looking me up and down and saying stuff like, 'Hey baby. You wanna come home with me?' I was so creeped out!" Everyone agreed that this was totally inappropriate and sympathized. "Poor thing! That must have been so awful for you!"

It's kind of petty but it really irked me. Why? Because this happens to me nearly EVERY DAY. Everyone's sitting around feeling bad that this dude had to put up with an awkward sexual advance for three seconds while I can't walk down the street without someone making a comment, a gesture, or a look that lasted just a bit too long for my comfort. I can't count the number of times where I have been made to feel uncomfortable by some man who just assumed it was okay to tell me "what my ass was doing to him." You keep your body parts and functions to yourself, sir. Don't come over here and put your arm around my shoulder or try to slip a hand around my waist. I don't know you and I didn't ask you to touch me. Don't stare at me from across the bar, through slitted eyes, licking your lips like some fiend. It's gross. You're gross, and I want you to go away.

I don't think men realize how easy they've got it on this one. So maybe once in a blue moon you get hit on by someone you aren't interested in. Big frickin deal, dudes. Someone putting the moves on you at the bar? You tell them to fuck off and 99% of the time that's where it ends. Women are not so lucky. I tell a guy to get out of my face and he thinks I'm playing hard to get. He proceeds to stalk me and continue to make advances for the rest of the night or until I get fed up and decide to leave. Now I'm outside at night and, since I don't live in a sorority house, I might end up walking some of my route home by myself. Yeah, sometimes men get mugged when walking home alone, which is certainly scary, but how often do you legitimately fear that you might get raped on the way to your house? Oh, you never thought about it? Y'all have a zombie apocalypse plan. We have a rape escape plan. Why do we need a rape escape plan? Because since the moment we could walk without mommy or daddy holding our hands, we were taught to never walk anywhere alone ever, and if you do, here's your rape!

Maybe I'm taking it too far. Obviously, not every pick up line results in someone getting sexually assaulted. Hell, not every sexual advance is unwelcome. I'm just saying that there is an astronomically greater number of women on the receiving end of unwanted sexual comments and behavior. On the job, at the bar, in the street... And let's not even get into all the reasons that somehow it was my fault. Well, were you being too nice? Were you wearing something revealing? Were you walking by yourself? So I have to be a sweater-clad bitch that always travels with a body guard to avoid sexual harassment? I swear there's an easier solution to this problem but my silly female brain just can't figure it out!

Come on, guys. I know that most of you are better than that. Now if you could just get your less evolved brethren on board, I think we might be okay.

I'm sorry that you, sir, were temporarily put off by this other person's actions. Maybe now you have just the slightest idea of what it's like to be a woman.