The Wedding Planner

This day was nearly three years in the making. Here's how we pulled it off.

***

When I describe our first wedding, I never refer to it as an elopement, despite that being the very definition of what it was. That word always had such a shady connotation, as if you were somehow cheating yourself and others of the grand celebration that is required for such a momentous occasion. Firstly, getting married is not an accomplishment so everyone just needs to calm down about this being the most important day of your life, and secondly, the whole wedding industry is a giant racket. You want me to spend how much for five short hours of my life?? You're joking. How do I reconcile my frugal feminist spirit with my deep-seated compulsion to adhere to antiquated social norms? We eloped and caved in for a big party, mostly due to pressure from our parents, anyway.

But Nicole! It's your wedding day!
Nope. We already got married. This is their day. And I'm okay with that.

***

I am fairly organized so the idea of planning a wedding was not intimidating, especially since we had so long to do it. Every now and then, it was actually kind of nice to think about what a fun day we were going to have with all the people that we like the most. Guess who was NOT thrilled about planning our wedding. Hint: It's Jason.

They say, "If you can make it through the wedding planning process, then you can make it through anything." I used to scoff at this, imagining ourselves to be above such pettiness. We have planned week-long holidays for our friends and families on multiple occasions so we know that we make a good team. We have traveled the world together without much issue at all. Why would a wedding be any different?

It would probably be easier to list things that we didn't fight about in the process but I am going to spare you all the gory details and say that it was a challenge. I never realized how much I hated the phrase "I don't care" until recently. I understand if you don't have particular feelings one way or the other about seemingly insignificant details but if you say you don't care and then turn around and have something nasty to say about a decision I made, I am going to hurt you.

ProTip 1: Assign roles at the beginning and then trust that your partner will do a good job with whatever that task is. Only ask for their opinion if you really want it, not when you have already made a choice and you're expecting them to confirm it. If you really do want them to help you make up your mind on a particular issue and you are leaning one way or another, establish that you will listen to their feedback but that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to take their advice in the end.

I relied pretty heavily on Offbeat Bride and The Knot to help me stay on track. The Knot is basically everything I hate about weddings (making you feel shitty about your DIY decorations, convincing you that it's totally normal to spend $30K on one day, making everything an advertisement) but they had some really great organizational tools. The website builder is free and easy to use. The budget tracker gave you suggestions but allowed you to adjust them according to your needs. The planning checklist had great tips and reminders about things I totally would have forgotten about. And by far the most useful tool was the guest list feature. You have names, addresses, RSVP/ gift/thank you note status, meal preference all in one place AND a really nice seating chart application that allowed you to recreate your venue space and drag and drop your guests at tables, no complicated Post-it Notes madness needed.

*UPDATE: The Knot has since changed a lot of these tools and they are way less user friendly now. No more seating chart (but the guest list is still there), the budgeter is worthless and I don't love what they have done with the checklist. Sorry, guys.

ProTip 2: Technology is your friend. We saved a bunch of money by doing e-mail save the dates. No one needs another magnet with your face on it. Create a cloud-based shared folder for all things wedding and invite all the necessary parties (spouse to be, parents, wedding planner, etc.) We used Dropbox and it was a real life saver. Google Drive works great, too. Since we didn't want to have a bunch of physical stuff to take back to France with us, we registered at Zola. Our guests were able to contribute to different "wishes," like plane tickets home for Christmas and new home furnishings that we could then go and buy ourselves in Bordeaux. It seemed a lot nicer than just saying, "cash gifts only."

All of our big decisions had been made a long time again so in the last two months, all we had were little details to worry about. Once you have the RSVPs in hand, everything happens very quickly. You know how many tables you need so you can start doing the seating chart and getting centerpieces. The food, booze and dessert are all determined by the number of people that end up attending, as are favors, place cards and programs (if necessary).

ProTip 3: Close friends and families like to feel like they're helping. Relinquish control and find them something to do. We made place cards with Jason's family and the favors with mine and everyone was so proud to see the fruits of their labor on the big day.

Stuff for the tables. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Place cards. Thanks, Julie and Jackie!

I am an obsessive planner. I need a To-Do list with each item scheduled to the minute or I can't get anything done. If I get a little of schedule, it's okay, but having the structure is comforting to me. And I figured if I feel happy knowing exactly where I need to be and when, so will everyone else around me. Enter the wedding weekend itinerary. I had a detailed document with each event, times, the parties involved, contact information, what to bring, transportation suggestions, who was responsible for certain tasks... The whole works. It was immensely helpful. I printed copies and distributed them to all the necessary parties. I had scheduled salon appoints for my bridal party, our moms and Jason's sisters, and their stylists all had their pictures and beauty requests before they even met them so they could prepare as much as possible before the big day. Because that's how I roll.

ProTip 4: Don't feel locked in by a traditional wedding format. There are no rules to any of this. There are a lot of hot trends right now, many of which are huge money pits, but there is no reason you should feel obligated to do any of it if you don't want to. If your guests really are the most important people in your life, they are not going to give any shits if you don't have a program or giant floral centerpieces, or a signature cocktail. Welcome bags at the hotel seem like such a nice touch but when the hotel charges $12 a piece just to put them in the rooms, they start to look a lot less cute. Your guests are there to see you and to have a good time. All the rest is extra.

Since we're already married we asked my Uncle Craig to officiate the ceremony, no ordination necessary! I got a lot of inspiration here, here, and here but in the end, I trusted him to just say some nice things about us and share some personal anecdotes about the keys of a good marriage. We enlisted our siblings to do some readings that we both agreed on and we exchanged wedding bands. Doubly married!

ProTip 5: Do whatever you can to maximize time with your guests. Do pictures before the ceremony so you can get right to the party afterward. Doing rounds at tables was surprisingly difficult and time consuming. Everyone wants to see you and talk to you and ask you a million questions but you have to be diligent about moving on. We didn't get to every table because we spent too much time at some and I felt terrible about it.

ProTip 6: Have a designated drink runner. I don't think I made it back to the bar once the entire night and I would have died of thirst if Josh and Stefanie hadn't been keeping me well hydrated. Thanks, guys!

ProTip 7: Consider not just how you're getting everything to the wedding but also how you're taking it back at the end of the night. ArtisanWorks said they could keep things over the weekend but they weren't open on Sunday so if we wanted anything for the picnic the next day (leftover booze, for example) we needed to take it with us at the end of the night. This was a bit of a mess for us and we should have assigned spots in cars for things before we started drinking... Oops! I had to go back and grab a bunch of stuff on Monday when all I wanted to be doing was sleeping.

ProTip 8: If you've got a lot of dress, make sure at least a few people know how to bustle it or be able to explain it to someone. My mom was the only one who got the tutorial from the seamstress and I didn't even get to see it because I was busy wearing the dress. When it started to fall out, I was pretty useless to get it back in order. I didn't want to keep harassing her all night to come fix it and other friends offered but no one could really figure it out. I ended up carrying my train a lot. Also, think about peeing. Being a pretty pretty princess is all fun and games until you have to take a piss and half your dress ends up in the toilet and/or covered in urine.

ProTip 9: I had planned so aggressively leading up to the big day that I had nothing to worry about once it arrived. Less so for Jason, but that's okay. It all worked out in the end. Know that something will go wrong but don't let it get to you. We forgot to bring toys to give to the babysitter. I left my mini video camera batteries in the charger at the salon so we didn't have that to pass around all night. We had several no shows that we really thought were going to be there. It happens. Worry about you and your spouse having a good time and then, by default, everyone else will be happy, too.

ProTip 10: Look around you for a second. This is maybe the only time you will have all of these people in the same place at the same time. Enjoy it. They are the people you love the most in the whole world and they are all here for you and that's really awesome. Look at your spouse. Is he/she still breathing? Good. Are you? Great. Take it all in. Don't let the little moments slip away too fast.

It's your day, after all.

Cheers Bitches, Here Come the Stiches!

I flew home to Rochester on August 6th and that Saturday was Josh's bachelor party. As the (wo)Man of Honor, I was in charge of organizing it and although it was the first one of these things I had ever been to, I think I did a pretty damn good job. There were matching hats. Carpools were organized so no one had to drive drunk. A detailed itinerary was distributed to all members prior to the event, all of which was planned from another damn country. If you put me in charge of something, it's gonna get DONE.

The day started out at Lost Borough Brewing Co. where we had Wegman's subs for lunch and plenty of tasty craft beers. It just so happened that there was a bachelorette party that came in at about the same time and clearly we needed to challenge them to a drinking competition. You already know who won.

Next stop: The Genesee Brewhouse. I must admit, I was partially using this visit as recon for our own rehearsal dinner (!!) but also because it is so boss. Free tour of the brewery? Flight of four beers for $3? Roof deck with amazing view of High Falls? Yes, please.

Man down!!!

Roc Brewing was next on the list. It's in a random part of Rochester so I don't think I would have ever been there if it weren't for this event. Definitely a more upscale vibe than the other places we had been but that might be in part due to the fact that it seemed super new.

We were going to hit Swiftwater but we didn't have time or enough space left in our bellies for more beer. It was time for LASERTRON! As the website suggests, this is indeed a place where adults go to play. There is a giant arcade with all kinds of games, a full service bar and restaurant and, most importantly, several different styles of laser tag games. This is not your corny old school laser tag. You're not supposed to run but we were all sweating buckets after the games anyway. If you are looking for a fun time to feel like a kid again but this time with booze, I definitely recommend this place.

No event for Josh Stich would be complete without a meal at Stone's Countryside so that's where we decided to end our evening. We ate and drank to our hearts' content and it was glorious. It's really cool to get to know my cousins all over again, now that we're all grown-ups, and getting to hang out with my dad and my brother all day was spectacular. There's not much else I miss about living in Rochester, but I do miss that.

Not long after Josh's shindig, it was time for Stefanie's bachelorette party (oh yeah, I get to go to BOTH parties!) There was a lot of Fireball and an actual fire and I'm sure Stefanie felt like her throat was on fire after belting out show tunes at 2am but it was all worth it. Wooo! Penises everywhere!!

And suddenly, it was my little brother's wedding day. Like us, Josh and Stefanie were sick to death of wedding planning but really excited to get married so when the day finally arrived, I was hoping Josh would be relieved. More like "anxious/nervous/terrified" but hey, he's not the first and certainly won't be the last to have some pre-wedding jitters. Stefanie stayed at the hotel the night before and Jason and I stayed with Josh at his place. We tried to get him to eat some breakfast but his stomach would not allow it and we opted to just get ready and try to stay focused on getting through the day. Even if everything else was a giant disaster, at least we were going to look good.

I was wearing a dress that barely left me enough room to breathe let alone carry a camera so I didn't take many pictures for the rest of the day but all you need to know is that it was beautiful. The ceremony was super personal (officiated by a friend of theirs) and it was great to see so many people from so many parts of their lives together in the same room to watch them celebrate their love for one another. My toast was EPIC, the drinks were plentiful, and they added an extra hour of dancing to the end of the night. And just seeing how happy they are together... Ugh! Who is cutting onions in here??!?

Sibling selfie!! Why are we so beautiful??

Congratulations, Josh and Stefanie! I am so happy for you both and I can't wait to see what adventures life has in store for you!!!

Holidaze

Holiday triathlon. Ready, set, GO!

Leg 1: Waynesboro. December 21-25

After a very relaxing flight on AirFrance, we landed in DC. We got "secondaried" in customs for having too much wine, even though I brought back more wine all by myself last year, declared it, and no one said anything about it. It was a bit obnoxious, especially the officer's "I'm going to give you a warning this time" comment, but they didn't end up making us pay any tax on it soooo... WIN. Jackie and Jeremy hauled us back to PA and we had a lovely dinner with all Jason's family. Even Pat and Soraya came up to see us!

The next couple days were a blur of presents and parties. Not sure if the blurriness was caused by the jet lag or Jay's sazeracs or perhaps it's just the inherent madness that comes along with spending the holidays with your family. This year was my first at the infamous Dave and Dee Christmas Eve Bonanza and we all made it out alive. I managed to not get shitfaced by posting up at the mic: they have a whole sound system set up in their bar and we all took turns jamming out. I stuck mostly to Christmas carols (which I had admittedly practiced in the weeks leading up to the holidays in a last-ditch effort to make Jay stop outwardly hating me) and they were well received. Nothing like a little "We Three Kings" to get you in the mood for Jesus's birthday.

Christmas Day was really lovely, minus the epic guilt that of feeling like I didn't get people enough presents or the right presents or not thoughtful enough presents. Jay and Jason are just really good at gift giving and it makes all the rest of us look bad. I guess I just need more practice. Anyway, highlights included a slab of wild boar meat for Jason and tons of books in paperback and on Kindle for me!

Leg 2: Rochester. December 26-30

We borrowed the Green Lantern to make the drive up to Rochester and it wouldn't be my birthday without a little snow storm, but we made it in one piece. We had a busy itinerary, as always: we booked ArtisanWORKS for our wedding (September 19, 2015!!), my mom and I got facials together and we managed to convince enough of my friends and family members to meet up for not one but two post-Christmas gatherings! Stone's with the Stiches and Craig and Anne's with the Reeds. If you play the "We're only in town once a year" card, most people will cave pretty quickly. There was a bit more driving around town than I would have liked but that's what you have to do when you aren't home for the actual holidays. These are the sacrifices we must make!

Irene's granddaughters

Leg 3: Baltimore. December 31-January 2

As much as I like hanging out with my family, especially as we all get older and cooler, I love New Year's Eve with friends. We made our way down to Baltimore and crashed Paul and Ama's party. It was a good old time, with lots of champagne and cocktails and general merriment. Some of us *cough*Jason*cough* may have been a bit too merry and were not quite well on New Year's Day, but I went out to lunch with Otis and Farris and even James and little Alyssa came, too! She's our first baby so it's hard not to be at least a little excited about her. Even Farris held her, which is saying something. Still not trying to have any of my own anytime soon but I will take that spiky-haired child off their hands whenever they need. Campbell was dearly missed.

We stopped in to see Paul's new school, which is amazing, and then had coffee at Natalia's place. I have a bit of a life crush on that woman. If I could accomplish half the things that she has, I will have truly done something. She's outrageous.


Homestretch: Waynesboro-DC-Paris. January 2-4

We had to drop the car back in Waynesboro before flying back to France but the polar vortex had other plans for us. The drive to PA was rough because we left Natalia's a little later than we should have and the combination of snow plus rush hour traffic was disastrous. We didn't die, but it did take us three hours longer than it should have taken to get there. We woke up on Friday morning to get on the road to the airport only to find out that our flight had been delayed by six hours. A blessing in disguise, certainly, as we got to spend another day with the Bayers and we would be getting into Paris at a more reasonable hour (8am is just too early to do anything, especially after an international flight with two week's worth of luggage) but driving an hour and a half back from the airport 1am is just not that much fun.

We landed in Paris at about 4pm local time and hopped on the RER into the city. We had some more delays because of some accident downtown but eventually we made it to our hotel. We chatted with the guy at the desk, explained to him that we just arrived from the US and on our way back down to Bordeaux where we live now, and he thought we were so charming that he upgraded our room and got us an amazing discount at this excellent restaurant for dinner. Epic win!

We didn't have much time to do anything other than dinner when we got in on Saturday but we did manage to swing by the Eiffel Tower, which is simply stunning at night. We spent all day Sunday wandering around the city, checking out all the stuff one should see when spending a day in Paris. There is obviously much more to see but I'm sure we'll be back, especially since everyone was so nice! Paris, you're alright with me.

Finish line: January 5. Paris-Bordeaux

After our day in Paris, we took the train from Montparnasse to Bordeaux, first class! I slept most of the trip and slept some more as soon as we got home. It was a crazy couple of weeks but pretty damn wonderful every step of the way. We did have to take Monday off to recover from our vacation, though. What do you say to Christmas in Europe next year, folks?