Budapest and Baltimore

One of the biggest perks of Jason's job (aside from the whole living in Bordeaux thing) is that he has a handful of all-expenses paid conferences around the world every year. Some of the destinations are a bit underwhelming (Galveston, TX? I'll pass.) but more often than not, he gets to travel to some pretty awesome places. This year alone he has conferences in Boston, San Francisco, Naples/the Amalfi coast and, most recently in Budapest. When I learned that I happened to have a few days off right around the time that he would be there, I bought up some tickets, booked a flight and packed my bags. Eastward bound!

What up, Alps??

That same week, I learned of yet another young black man losing his life due to police misconduct and this time, it hit particularly hard because it happened in Baltimore. Freddie Gray could have easily been one of my students and my students could have easily been Freddie Gray. Every time this happens, I see my brothers, my cousins, my friends, my FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS that did not deserve to die. When the protests started in Baltimore, I was worried for the safety of my former students, their families and my friends who still live there, but mostly, I was proud that my city was speaking out. This type of police brutality will not stand! Our voices will be heard! And then the violence started. A handful of isolated incidents, to be sure, but burning buildings and broken windows draw more viewers than peaceful marches so that's all that we saw on the news.

The ignorant were in top form, showing their racist colors all over social media and I couldn't stand it anymore. In the grand scheme of things, a frustrated Facebook post doesn't do much to help the cause but it's the best I could do when I live on the other side of the ocean. How can we condemn the reaction of a group of citizens that has been systematically neglected and abused for decades when one of their own is murdered by the very people meant to protect him? Why is it that outsiders didn't seem to care when a young man was killed in police custody but everyone is suddenly up in arms when property is damaged? They care more about buildings than black lives and this was never more apparent than this week. A small minority of black people react with violence when they actually have something to be angry about and it's a riot. Hundreds of white people flipping and burning cop cars, looting and tearing streetlights out of the ground after the big game, and it's just some sports fans celebrating a win! The hypocrisy was killing me.

The last person I expected to get into a Facebook feud with was my 1st grade teacher, who recently friended me. In response to my post, she jumped right on the white supremacy bandwagon, calling the protesters thugs and shaming them for destroying their own communities. "I can't condone violence! They should remain peaceful if they want people to listen to them!" I wanted to tell her that her racist comments were not welcome on my wall. I wanted to tell her to shut her stupid mouth if she didn't have anything nice to say. Isn't that what they teach you in 1st grade? I wanted to call her an ignorant asshole who didn't know the first thing about suffering. Instead, I destroyed every single one of her bullshit comments with carefully researched statistics and evidence. I was patient and polite, but I was definitely not letting her get away with being an idiot. It was an epic battle but in the end, it seemed like she almost started to understand how outrageously racist every word out of her mouth was. I felt good about standing up for my students and the community that shaped who I am today. It was a small act, but one that may have opened a few eyes and certainly showed whose side I was on.

I spent all of my time in the airport dealing with her foolishness and by the time I landed in Budapest, I was nearly out of battery on my phone. I got out of the subway in the right neighborhood but the map I had was not helping me get to my hotel. I used my last 2% and some international phone charges to call the hotel owner to come and get me.

Agnes showed me to our INCREDIBLE hotel, right in the heart of the city, and I was settled in by 7:30pm. Jason was staying across town for the conference but would join me later that evening. He had a dinner cruise to attend but we planned to meet up at his hotel afterward, around 9. By the time I got done being a social media warrior, it was around 8:45 so I figured I should find something to eat myself. I enjoyed a quick and quiet dinner for one at a little pizza place up the road and texted Jason to let him know that I was on my way to him. I didn't get a response but since we had a plan, I didn't think much of it.

When I arrived at the hotel, I had them call his room but he didn't pick up. I sent text after text with no response. I even called his cell (more international charges) with no success. I finally got a very curt message from him: "At ruin bar. Come meet us." Where? How? Which bar? "It's a bit of a walk." In which direction? Do I need to get a cab? Is it safe?

I asked the front desk staff if they had any idea what he might be talking about and they gave me a map of the city with some suggestions of where he probably was. Let us keep in mind that I have just arrived in Budapest, a city I know literally nothing about. As a young woman, walking alone in a new city at night, with only a rough idea of where I was supposed to be going, you can imagine why I was a little anxious. I was texting and calling non-stop and getting NOTHING from Jason. Not cool.

When I finally found the "bar", it was actually a large beer garden of sorts, with several bars in a long row, and there were literally hundreds of people milling about in the streets. I'm supposed to find you in this?!?? You've got to be kidding. I had flown across the continent to come see him, and he blew me off to go drinking with his buddies, without giving me so much as a heads up. I went from being slightly on edge to being downright livid.

I finally found him in the crowd and he acts as if everything is all good. I made it very clear that I was pissed and he could not for the life if him figure out why! You ditched me. You didn't call. You left me to wander around by myself in the middle of the night in a place I've never been. You don't understand why this is a big deal. To be fair, I was already a little riled up after my Facebook fight (21st century problems), and he was certainly not helping. I asked him to get me a beer and he came back with one for his buddy, one that he had already half drunk himself and none for me. I was thisclose to just heading back to the hotel.

Of course, Jason had about a million excuses for why he was so inconsiderate and tried to put it all right back on me. I should have been at the hotel earlier (even though he had confirmed it was okay that I was about 15 minutes late). He had to stay with the group or he would have lost them (even though everyone had a phone and he could have just texted them to figure out where they had gone.) His phone wasn't working (even though it was working perfectly fine before). I had nothing to worry about while walking around by myself because everyone told him Budapest is really safe. (because I would know that after just getting off the plane...) No apology at all. I was floored. I spent the rest of the night talking to everyone but him.

Even though the conference was over, Jason had work to do the next day so I was left to explore on my own. I walked everywhere and saw some really stunning parts of the city up close and personal. The fisherman's bastion was definitely my favorite. So intricate and colorful!

The view of Budapest from Gellert Hill

St. Stephen's Basilica. There was a beautiful wedding going on inside!

Matthias Church

The Fisherman's Bastion

Parliament Building

Some old friends were also in town so we arranged to get dinner with them later. In another miscommunication, Jason told them the wrong restaurant and didn't even realize it until we had been sitting by ourselves for 20 minutes. When they finally arrived, he was full of apologies, couldn't say sorry enough for the confusion and moderate inconvenience, even offering to buy the first bottle of wine. I was still waiting for so much as a "my bad." (Spoiler alert: I never got it.)

The next day, we were supposed to do some more exploring together but Jason's work took longer than expected and he spent another day in the hotel writing a paper and I spent another day wandering on my own. I do love a nice day to myself from time to time but I had very much been looking forward to a romantic weekend that never really came to be. These things happen, I suppose. He met me later in the evening for a walk up to the parliament building and dinner at a nice restaurant before meeting up with some folks for a beer or two.

Don't these dudes looks like they just saw a fine lady walk by?
"I hate to see you go but i LOVE to watch you leave"

On the banks of the Danube

The only picture of the two of us from the whole weekend.

On our last day, we went to the Rudas Turkish bath house and enjoyed a very relaxing soak in some ultra-old pools of varying temperatures. There were also several saunas that were hot enough to bake your back fat off if you sat there long enough. I lasted all of 20 seconds before finding a bucket of cold water to dump over my head. Refreshing!

We didn't do much touristy stuff on this trip but I found the history really interesting. While many parts of Budapest look old, a lot of the buildings are actually reconstructions. After WWI, the Austro-Hungarian empire collapsed and Hungary lost half of their citizens to the surrounding countries. Revolutions sprung up in the wake of the war, stagnating economic growth or recovery, and not long after, Budapest became a front line city in WWII, suffering intense damage as a result. The war was followed by several years of Soviet occupation that left the city economically disadvantaged. The Hungarians finally regained control in 1989, having spent 70 years in turmoil.

One of the most powerful monuments in the whole city is a sculpture called "Shoes on the Danube." When the Nazis took over, they would go on nightly raids to round up Jews and execute them on the banks of the river. They made them take off their shoes and stand on the edge so that when they fell, their bodies would be washed down the river. The sculpture is a truly humbling tribute to those that lost their lives and a constant reminder of that tragic period in Europe's history.

It was an emotionally charged weekend, to be sure. From a more-serious-than-normal spat with my husband, to grieving the loss of another black man at the hands of the police, to the senseless death of Jews during the Holocaust, I will always remember Budapest with a heavy heart. But perhaps, one full of hope for the future, as well...