Ain't Nobody Got Time For That

This post is inspired by the video alluded to in the title. Since Shuo showed it to me in class the other day, I haven't been able to get the song out of my head. Much to my personal chagrin, I have also started using the phrase in conversation regularly, which is really saying something because I don't spend a lot of time conversing in English here. I can't help it. I am a chronic catch-phrase stealer.

ANYWAY!

Speaking of time, I thought I would be real slick today and try to save myself some time on my commute to work by renting a bike through the VCub program. The route from school to Ema's house takes at least 45 minutes and requires three bus transfers, and that's if I leave class early. Ain't nobody got time for that. I did a little research and found that I could walk a few minutes up the road from school and take one bus which would take me directly to a bike rental station. These stations are all over the city, it wasn't raining for once, and since it was a pretty straight shot from the station to Ema's house, I figured this was a great option.

Wrong.

First of all, the bus stop that looked "just up the road"on the map was a solid mile away. Not that big of a deal, just further than I was expecting. The bus I needed to take was running a little late. Again, not that big of a deal because I didn't have any more transfers to make. I had even scoped out the VCub station the day before on my way home so I knew exactly where to go when I got off the bus.

Even though I was already a bit behind schedule, I was refortified by the discovery that renting a VCub bike is super easy. Put in your bank card, follow the prompts on the screen. They even have it in English if you want. The first half hour is free and it's 2€/hour after that if you get a 24 hour subscription. You can subscribe for longer amounts of time if you will be using a bike frequently and the longer your subscription, the lower the rates. What a deal! I chose my trusty steed from the lot, tossed my backpack in the basket, and headed off down the road.

People often refer to learning a skill that, once mastered, is impossible to forget by saying, "It's like riding a bike." Those people clearly never rode a VCub bike. I have been riding bikes since I was four years old and today I rued the day I gave up my training wheels. It was like trying to maneuver a yak with a mind of its own. Not only was the bike incredibly heavy and difficult to steer, but the last rider had left it in the highest gear, making it nearly impossible to initiate movement. Both of these things would have been manageable had the bike been outfitted with some decent brakes but alas, no luck there either. I nearly crashed into stationary objects on four (yes, FOUR) different occasions, banging my shins with the pedals and toppling off the seat before I figured out how to change the gear. If I hadn't been in such a rush, I might have been embarrassed, but ain't nobody got time for that.

On top of my abysmal bike handling skills, I had somehow managed to get myself turned around and off the very direct path I was supposed to take. I ended up riding around in a bunch of random neighborhoods and I was immediately grateful that I had spent so much time studying the bus routes in the area. It would have been a nice little tour but I was late and ain't nobody got time for that. After a few deviations, I got back to where I was supposed to be and was tearing down the road to Ema's house. Did I mention she was waiting for me to have lunch with her? She normally eats at 1:00 but she said she would try to wait so we could eat together. I was supposed to be there at 1:30. It was pushing 2.

I finally arrived at the VCub station near Ema's house and didn't even stop to read the screen to see if there were any special instructions for dropping off the bike. Ain't nobody got time for that! It was just after 2:00 when I showed up and Ema, displaying remarkable patience for a person of any age, had just started eating 10 minutes ago. Hell, I would have too if my lunch date were half an hour late. We spent the hour or so at the table, mostly because she wouldn't eat her green beans, but also because that's just what you do in France. It's certainly an adjustment from the 30-minute ushering children/stuff your face/lesson plan/no time to even use the bathroom lunch break that I used to have at work, but I think I'll adjust. And was anyone mad that I was late? Not in the least. The French, apparently, have all the time in the world.