Two Years Down, Forever to Go

Here are your clues:
1) This place is less than a three-hour flight from Bordeaux.
2) Knowing French will be helpful.

Where are you going?

This is the story of our second anniversary adventure in Morocco.

***

Jason had prepared everything in secret and although I had a few hints as to what to pack, I still wasn't 100% sure where we were going until we got to the airport. Jason handed me my boarding pass just as we got in line for security: We were headed to Marrakech!

If we hadn't had someone to pick us up, I am positive we never would have made it out of the Jemaa el Fna (the main square), even with a good map. The roads of the Medina (old town) twist and wind like a maze and many of them are dead ends. Signage is minimal at best and more often that not, completely absent.

We stayed at the Riad Villa El Arsa, just a short walk from the square. The hotel is owned by Fabrice and Noel, two French immigrants who left the Hexagon for a quieter, sunnier life. They prepared us a delicious breakfast every morning and were instrumental in helping us find the right places to go and the best things to see. Even after all of Jason's research, nothing can really prepare you for your first time in Marrakech...

We arrived fairly early in the day on Saturday so we had some time to do some exploring and get our bearings in this labyrinth-like city. You don't want to wander on an empty stomach so Noel recommended méchoui: lamb that is slow roasted in a pit and served unceremoniously wrapped in paper in what looks like someone's garage. He told us we could find some on the north side of the Jemaa el Fna on our way toward the souks, or markets. "You just have to get lost in there. There are always signs to get back to the main square if you need."

That light is hanging above a big hole in the ground, where the lamb is roasting.

Getting lost in the souks

To be completely honest, the souks were a little overwhelming. Stall after stall filled with more useless trinkets than your brain can even make sense of, all stacked on top of one another, for miles. Are there some cool items to be found? Most certainly, but the amount of effort needed to find it simply isn't worth it to me. It's a bit like shopping at Marshalls. Every once in a while you'll find something truly amazing for dirt cheap but you have to spend hours digging through piles of garbage to get it.

We emerged on the other side of the souks, our heads spinning, and we followed some signs for the Medersa Ben Yossef, a former college built in the 16th century. It was a welcome moment of calm and beauty after turning down our 500th offer for a rug at a "very good price, special for you, my friend." The level of detail in the intricate tile work and carvings was nothing short of amazing.

It was starting to get late and we had wandered a little outside of town so we busted out our map to try to get reoriented. A local guy approached and asked if we needed help. Moroccans are known for their hospitality and helpfulness. We had also heard, however, that people will offer to serve as "guides" if you look lost and then expect some sort of compensation for their services later. We tried to refuse but he insisted that he wasn't a guide and that he was going toward the square anyway.

We were definitely off the tourist trail and I was eager to get back to familiar territory so I acquiesced. Jason looked skeptical but followed along. He was a very friendly guy, telling us a little bit about the neighborhoods we were walking through and trying to teach us some phrases in Arabic. After a few minutes, it was obvious that he was taking us on some crazy route but we were so turned around that we didn't have much choice but to stay with him.

By some *strange* coincidence, we walked right by his shop and he invited us in for a cup of tea. In retrospect, we really should have just said no thank you and kept moving but social codes are strong and we felt obligated to accept. Of course, now we were trapped. We were seated in some shaky plastic chairs and served mint tea, while our companion showed us all the different spices and soaps and oils that they had in the shop. A group of European-looking women were giggling in another corner, getting a similar demonstration. The tea was nice and the company was decent but you could see the big sell coming from a mile away. After smelling all the spices, he asked, "So which one you like?" and as soon as Jason said the cumin was nice, the man had bagged up a scoop of it.

"What else?"

He must have seen it in our faces. We had already been beaten down by the sheer magnitude of stuff in every direction forever in the souks, and on top of that, you're expected to be well-versed in the art of haggling. In Morocco, haggling is a game and everyone knows that the first price they give you is 10 times what they actually expect to get for it in the end. You haggle for everything that doesn't have a price tag. When you visit, you are supposed to play the game since this is a local tradition and it's fun if you're into that kind of thing.

We are not into that kind of thing.

"Umm... The fish spice was good, too, I guess." Another scoop in a bag. I am starting to panic. There are no price tags on any of these things. Why is Jason just blindly accepting this stuff?

"What else?"

"...Cinnamon? Did you like the cinnamon, Nicole?" I tried to make my eyes say something like Why are you asking me? I don't want anything. This guy is about to rip us off. I am a terrible haggler. But instead, I said, "Yeah, sure. That sounds fine." Scooped, bagged. He put the spices on a scale and randomly punched some numbers into a calculator. "2500 dirham." Without hesitation, Jason opened his wallet, handed the man the 2500 dirham (about 25€) and we made our way toward the door, knowing we just got scammed.

Pocketing the money, you could see a sly smile creep across the man's face. "You don't want some soaps, maybe?" Refusing as politely as possible, we wiggled our way out into the street but the man followed us. "Something for my services as guide, maybe?" You could see the frustration in Jason's eyes. It was the last straw. "You said no guide and we have already given you money for spices. That's enough. We're going now." The man wished us well and hoped that we enjoyed our time in Morocco.

As soon as we were out of earshot, he said to me, "I told you we shouldn't have followed him in the first place. Next time, just listen to me. We just got taken for 25€." To which I replied, "I don't know why you decided to buy a bunch of spices not knowing what they cost. I wanted to leave 20 minutes ago." We walked back to the hotel in an angry (embarrassed) silence.

Struggling with the language barrier, being in a culturally unfamiliar situation, and getting ripped off are three of Jason's most hated things and of course, it was all my fault. It didn't matter that I didn't want to buy anything. It didn't matter that we know you're supposed to haggle for everything in Morocco. It didn't matter that he could have said no or walked away at any time. It didn't matter that he flashed all his cash, leaving him absolutely no bargaining power. It didn't matter that he could have asked for the price beforehand. If you had just said no from the start, Nicole, we wouldn't have been in that situation in the first place!

Fine. It's my fault. We got tajine for dinner and went to bed early. Not the best start to an anniversary weekend...

The next day was our actual anniversary and we had a spa appointment scheduled in the afternoon but nothing else. We started the day with a nice breakfast on the roof deck and then headed over to the Palais Bahia, a 19th century palace and garden, followed by a walk around the Koutoubia Mosque, the largest mosque in Marrakech. More beautiful architecture!

Rooftop breakfast. Starting the morning right.

Koutoubia Mosque

Jason had read about the hammam spas in Morocco and decided we should definitely check one out. There was some confusion about what the "bath" actually entailed (something about hot rocks and black soap?) and I was pretty certain that board shorts were not appropriate apparel for a massage but Jason was done listening to me so that's what he went in.

The doors to Les Bains de l'Alhambra

The hammam was quite an experience. We stored our clothes in a little locker and were given fluffy bathrobes and slippers to wear in the waiting lounge, while sipping on cool cucumber water. A small, smiley woman called us into a dark room, lined with granite-looking benches. She told us to hang our robes on the door and relax with our feet in buckets of rose petal water. It was hot but completely dry other than the sweat dripping from our bodies. Very sexy!

After a few minutes, a burly woman came in and asked Jason to sit on the edge of the bench. She filled a bucket with warm water and dumped the whole thing over his head, without so much as a warning. She said, "Allongez-vous" and when he didn't immediately do it, she barked, "Lie down!" So much for a relaxing day at the spa. She proceeded to rub this fresh smelling paste (the famous black soap) all over his body and then put on a special glove to scrub the dead skin away. I couldn't tell if the dark bits that she sloughed off of him were soap or skin or both but it looked pretty gross. In a good way! More buckets over the head, and he was done. Then it was my turn for the same. I can't say it was the gentlest spa treatment I have ever received (I think she scrubbed off my nipples) but it was certainly effective. New skin for everyone!

We were back in the waiting area for a moment while they prepared our massage room. Cool towels for our faces, a quick foot rub. This is the kind of thing a girl can get used to. When we got upstairs, the women took one look at Jason's shorts and asked if he wouldn't be more comfortable in something... smaller. They gave him a disposable thong, just big enough to keep his package from flopping around in their faces while they rubbed him down. Apparently, the hammam woman tried to tell Jason that's what she should have worn but this was lost in translation. The massage was lovely, though, and I was feeling incredibly relaxed by the time we left, despite looking like a crazy person with my hair frizzing out in all directions. Always bring a hair tie!

We grabbed a quick lunch on the street before heading over to the Palais El Badi, the site of 16th century ruins of another massive palace commissioned by the sultan at the time. There were tons of massive stork nests and plenty of different chambers to explore. Definitely my favorite spot in Marrakech.

We finished the day with a nice three-course dinner (more tajine) in the newer part of town that resulted in more adventures in haggling with the taxi driver on the way home. Jason and I learned that we would both rather pay a little more for the transaction to be over than stand there fighting with someone for twenty minutes when you're tired and full and just want to go home.

On our last full day, we had a camel trek in the foothills of the Atlas mountains. Camels are more made for the desert than they are for mountains so the whole thing was a bit forced but it was a good time anyway! We reached max tourist level while riding through the streets of little towns on the backs of camels as our Moroccan guides walked beside us. No judgement, please.

We learned about Moroccan agriculture (argan oil and apples!) and the different ethnic groups in the country. Everyone agreed that the real Morocco is in the desert with the Berbers. Maybe we'll have to do that in another trip... We had yet another tajine for lunch before heading back to town.

Seeing as Morocco is a Muslim country, the sale of alcohol is not allowed in the Medina, other than at a few night clubs. We could both use a drink after a handful of tiring days so we walked all the way out to a Carrefour in new town to pick up a couple of beers and a bottle of wine. We grabbed dinner at Café Clock (Jason had a camel burger!) and then headed back to the riad for the night.

Jemaa el Fna

The sunset over our riad, just before call to prayer.

We had met this Scottish couple who were also staying at our hotel and spent the evening with them in the common area, drinking some drinks and just having a good old anglophone time. Even though we were very well behaved and quiet, we kept getting dirty looks from the night staff. Look. It's not even 10:00pm and half of the people staying at this place are right here. If someone's got a problem, they can come let us know and we'll clear out. Otherwise, keep your mean mugging and shushing to yourself. We even got a little playful teasing from Noel at breakfast the next morning. "You talk very much last night!" What do you expect from a bunch of Westerners on their first time in Marrakech? There's a certain level of discomfort that everyone goes through and it's nice to feel like you're not alone in that struggle, okay?

Our flight wasn't until later that afternoon, so we did a last quick visit at the Saadian tombs, built at the end of the 16th century but not rediscovered and restored until 1917. Bodies everywhere!
Pretty eerie but also pretty cool.

Despite all of our missteps, I thought our trip to Morocco was a lot of fun and I would love to see other parts of the country, perhaps ones that are less touristy. Unfortunately, I'm not so sure Jason would like to go back. His number one complaint was that he felt like he was a target because they saw his pale skin and knew he was an outsider. "They automatically treat me differently, just because of the way I look. They knew they could rip me off because I wasn't going to be able to do anything about it. They see me and go, 'White tourist. Let's get him.'"

I got a sick sense of satisfaction out of it because for the first time in his life, Jason got to experience a small taste of what it's like to be a minority. Yeah, it does suck when people make assumptions about you based on your skin color. Lucky for you, that assumption here is that you're rich and naive. Better than being labeled as poor and stupid, like black and brown people back in the US. Yeah, it does suck when random people approach you on the street, follow you and won't leave you alone, even when you say no thank you. Lucky for you, it's only moderately annoying and will only result in someone maybe thinking you're rude. Better than worrying that you'll get verbally/physically attacked or raped like women back in the US.

I can't tell you how many times I have tried to explain the concept of white privilege to Jason and I don't think any of it really sank in until he was on the opposite side of the equation in Morocco. No, being seen as a green tourist is not nearly as bad as the widespread systemic disadvantages faced by women and minorities in the US and other parts of the world, but it was just a little taste of the frustration that comes with being labeled and treated differently just because of the way you look.

You were kind of annoyed and tired after 4 days of prejudice. Imagine an entire lifetime of that, with a history dating back hundreds of years and showing no sign of improvement any time soon. Imagine that this affected you everyday in every interaction in every aspect of your life. Then you might have some idea of what it's like to look like me. Not as easy as you thought, is is? Remember that. For me, for our friends, for total strangers, and for our future babies.

With all these new experiences and new perspectives, I am more excited than ever to spend the rest of our lives together, growing, learning, and continuing this grand adventure. Happy anniversary, my love.

A December to Remember

December was never my favorite month.

It's the beginning of flu season and as I kid, I would conveniently get sick with anything but the flu right around my birthday. Teaching public school and riding public transportation has made my immune system nearly indestructible but I still find myself with an occasional sniffle that is just annoying enough to make you look like Rudolph but not serious enough to actually treat it any way.

December is also when winter really starts to settle in. There are no flukey warm days and the hope of an Indian summer withered away with those last few leaves left hanging on the trees. In Rochester and even Baltimore to a lesser extent, it meant cold temperatures and snow, but only on days when you were in a hurry or had something important planned. "Your students are already a week behind in the curriculum because of state mandated diagnostic testing? Well, here's a blizzard that we're grossly underprepared for despite the fact that it happens every year and it's going to keep you out of school for 4 days! Don't worry. We'll just reschedule the lost days in June after final exam week. I'm sure attendance will be great and you'll really get a lot out of that instructional time!"

And then there's Christmas. I am the opposite of The Grinch and Scrooge in that as I participate in more Christmases, I seem to like it less and less. I hate the aggressive consumerism that completely overshadows the fun family stuff. People are pushy and rude and always in a hurry. Not exactly the Christmas spirit. There is always the ridiculous battle, steeped in religious intolerance, about the phrase "Happy Holidays." Someone's mad if you say it, someone else is mad if you don't. Why can't we just be glad that we're wishing well to our fellow man and leave it at that? I love giving presents, but I hate the intense amount of pressure that I feel to pick just the right gifts, especially now that I have married into such a good gift giving family. How can I compete with handcrafted silver jewelry that you've been working on for months?? And speaking of families, it is so hard sharing holidays, especially when you've already crossed an ocean to be there and now you have to pack up your stuff and drive across two states to be somewhere else. Jason's family is really into Christmas so we always spend it there but that means that I have to miss my family's get-together every year. It sucks. Just because we don't do Christmas to the extreme doesn't mean we don't love seeing each other. Also, Christmas music blaring on the radio 24/7 makes me want to rip my ears off. Bah humbug indeed.

BUT! This December was pretty awesome. Here's why.

It was the 3rd annual Bordeaux Tasting event and I am proud to say that I have been to every single one. Unlimited tastings of hundreds of wines from all over Bordeaux and the world, plus spirits and champagnes, all day long for 19€? Yes. Yes, I will.

Coincidentally, I have lots of friends that were also born in December so we had a big fat joint birthday party at our place. A bunch of my friends from work came and there were snacks, games, drinks and dancing until the wee hours of the morning. Everything was perfect until my rum and Cokes turned into rum and rums and I was perhaps a bit more intoxicated than I wanted to be. Oops! The next day was... difficult. DIRTY 30!!!!

December is also really beautiful in Bordeaux. You don't see a lot of lights on individual houses but the city light displays are pretty epic.

Seeing as I had just been in the US for Thanksgiving, I made it very clear to Jason that I was not planning to go back home for Christmas. He was thinking about it pretty hard and it didn't help that Jay was laying on the "I don't know how many Christmases I have left" guilt pretty thick, but my "You're going to leave me alone on my 30th birthday?" guilt won out. Hooray for manipulating people into spending time with you! That's what the holidays are really all about.

We cooked an epic Christmas feast and opened gifts with the Bayers via FaceTime, which worked out well for everyone involved. I was feeling inspired this year and I got lots of great gifts for Jason and even some that didn't suck for the Bayers. My family doesn't really do presents so much (which is why I have such limited gift-giving skills) but I got Josh, Stefanie and my parents this Amerks hockey gift pack with some tickets and little winter hats. Everyone was happy!

There was some thing really nice about having the day to ourselves this year. Family time is wonderful, but going home for the holidays is not. Traveling around Christmas is THE WORST, not only because it is prohibitively expensive but mostly because people just aren't very nice. Everyone needs to be where they're going NOW and the TSA does not have time for smiling or speaking in normal tones. Everyone has a special situation that no one could possibly understand, despite the fact that people have been traveling on Christmas literally since Christmas was even invented. We swapped massive crowds for mac 'n' cheese and pricey flights for pumpkin pies. Merry Christmas to us.

I know I said I don't like traveling around the holidays but I was willing to deal a 90-minute direct flight on the 26th because it meant on got to spend my 30th birthday in Amsterdam. Bitch. We were very well behaved: No drugs or prostitutes or other things that Amsterdam is known for. But we did have some great food and plenty of tasty beers. Canals, lots of bikes and even a windmill!

 

 

 On New Year's Eve, Jason was feeling a little under the weather (I told you everyone gets sick in December) so we decided to ring in the new year quietly, from home. We didn't have much choice. Apparently, you're supposed to reserve a table at a nice restaurant and stay there all night drinking and eating with friends but we totally dropped the ball on that. (Pun intended!!!!) We got a little sassy around 11:45 and tried to find a bar to go into, just to do the countdown, but even that was nearly impossible. In the end, we heard a lot of cheering from the apartments above as we wandered the streets at midnight and we snuck into a pub around the corner for a couple of beers around 12:15. Not much fanfare, no champagne, but it was a nice night, nonetheless. If this is any indication of what 2015 has in store, I think it's going to be a really chill year.