In Sunshine and In Rain

"Nicole and Jason: Bringing two families together at a storm inspired wedding in a funky Rochester art gallery."

Lucky for you, this isn't a corny wedding blog so we'll skip right to the good stuff.

Jason got into town on September 14. His suit was mangled by the tailor in Waynesboro (not 100% his fault but still really inconvenient) so we had to find him something else to wear. Commence intense shopping quest. Got a suit. Where is the nearest tailor? Found one. Why is he caressing your calves like that? Whatever. Just suck it up and let's get out of here. I hope this comes out looking halfway decent...

Jason's family started coming to town on Thursday. Since they were traveling from PA to be there, many of them decided to make it a full blown vacation. Spend some time in Rochester, check out Niagara Falls, go to the Finger Lakes... Why not? NYS is beautiful in September so I was glad they decided to take advantage of it. My mom and I had nail appointments that afternoon and Jason took his family somewhere to eat.

On Friday morning, Uncle Craig and Aunt Anne invited us for brunch. Uncle Michael and Aunt Deborah were in town for the first time in years and we thought it might be a nice way to introduce some of the family. Julie, Jackie and Jeremy were there representing the Bayer crew, my parents and I were there, and Josh and Stefanie showed up at some point, too. It was a great way to start off an amazing weekend. The food was good, the conversation went smoothly and everyone was getting along swimmingly. This is a good sign.

We had our rehearsal at 2:00 followed by nail appointments for the ladies at 3:00. I cannot stress enough how much I appreciated the staff at Park Ave Salon and Spa. They really went above and beyond for us. Please go there and give them all your money.

Jason was in charge of the rehearsal dinner, which was being held at the Genesee Brewhouse. Slightly better than average pub grub, tasty beers brewed in house, amazing roof deck with a view of High Falls. This place was perfectly us. Their reservation policy was a little weird in that you can't reserve a table ahead of time but you can call an hour before and say how many people you have in your party and they will get it set up for you. We were aiming for 6:30 dinner time but people were still lingering in the tasting room or driving over from wherever they were so it was at least 7:00 by the time we actually sat down, much to the wait staff's chagrin. Oh well! Take all our money!

We gave toasts, distributed gifts to our bridal party and parents and everyone had plenty to drink. Jay and Aunt Deborah were BFFs by the end of the night and I don't exactly know why but I am not complaining. The one thing I was slightly nervous about was our families getting along and all those fears were put to rest that evening. Relieved doesn't even begin to describe it.

And then it was our wedding day. I spent the night at Josh and Stefanie's so that they could take me to my early morning hair appointment. Jason was getting liquored up and smoking cigars with his friends in our hotel suite. I must admit, I was a little jealous. But then again, I am getting too old to have multiple wild nights in a row so it was probably for the best.

The ladies and I got all glammed up and were ready to roll by 1:00. I was putting my dress on at 2:00 so everyone else went back to the hotel to get ready and Mom and I went for lunch at Wegmans. The butterflies were starting to kick in, which is strange because we're already married, but I think it was just the gravity of it all. There were about to be a whole lot of people looking at me all night and that was a little intimidating.

It suddenly seemed so real. All of the work, all of the money, all of the time. It was all for this.

I could try to describe every tiny detail of the evening but no one really cares and quite honestly, pictures do it better. So I will leave you with the important details and let the pictures speak for themselves. Please contact these people if you are having a wedding in Rochester. Our vendors were absolutely incredible.

Photography: Lisa Barker. See all of the photos here
Venue: ArtisanWorks (Wedding Coordinator: Victoria Benz)
Food: Madeline's Catering @ ArtisanWorks
Dessert: Goodness Cakes Bakery
Dress: Vera Wang
Beauty: Park Ave Salon and Spa
Transportation: Esteem Limo
Accommodation: Hyatt Regency
Invitations: PhiloSophie's
Table number postcards: Jackie Bayer
Other stationery: N+J
Lantern Centerpieces: Recycled Revival
Flowers: Becky Stidd
Music: Aaron Celentano
Nicole's ring: Gabriel & Co.
Jason's ring: ???

Getting Ready

Something borrowed and old: Julie's vintage jewelry

Bridal Party and Family

All of our significant life events involve rain and snow so this was no exception

Ceremony
"Should you ever seek an example of how to make a marriage last a lifetime, look no further than your own parents."

"Do you Jason choose Nicole to be your partner in life, to support and respect her in her successes as well her failures, to care for her in sickness and in health, to stand by her in sunshine and in rain, and to grow with her throughout the seasons of your life together?"

“I do”

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my eternal love and affection. May it serve as a constant reminder of my commitment to respect you, cherish you and love you for the rest of our days."

Look at those smiles

Reception
Each table had a little mini recipe booklet as the favor (Recipes for a Rainy Day) that I had designed and assembled with my parents. The table numbers were postcards that Jackie created and printed for us and the bases were made from corks of wines that we actually drank in Bordeaux. Jackie, Julie and I made the place cards.

There was also a little game that we wanted our guests to play. Each person had a quiz and the questions were all about us. Some people may have known some of the answers but in case they didn't, the number of each question corresponded with a table number and you could find the answer there, written under one of the guests' places cards. The whole reason we had this wedding was for our families so it was important for them to talk to each other. The first table with all the correct answers got a prize. We had a tie so Jason had one person from each table chug a beer for the tie breaker. Patrick totally won (there is photographic evidence!) but Jamie Pratt was declared the winner because Jason doesn't give clear directions. In the end, they both ended up with prizes so it was okay.

Cocktail Hour

Waynesboro Boys

Little Calliope is only 5 weeks old in this picture

First Dance: Come Rain or Come Shine - Ray Charles

Toasts

Josh: Man of Honor

Paul: Best Man

Jay: Father of the Groom

Bernie: Father of the Bride

"I thought weddings were a big waste of money. But I was wrong. This is a great night."

Dinner and Mingling

See? Paul knows that Patrick won.

Putting some stars on our map

Mother Son Dance: What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong

Father Daughter Dance: Isn't She Lovely - Stevie Wonder

Anniversary Dance: Forever and Ever, Amen - Randy Travis

Dance Party!!

Didn't miss the cousin photo this time

We played the Shoes Game but without having to take off our shoes. Ama made little signs for us to hold up, Rick was the "host" and the bridal party came up with questions to ask us: Who is a better cook? Who is more likely to start a fight? Who said I love you first? Who do you love the most right now?

Totally winning the award for best grandson

This is why I love my brother.

I will remember this moment as one of the happiest of my life.

Best. Night. EVER.

The after party was at Temple Bar and Grille where some random girl KILLED IT at karaoke, serenading us with Celine Dion and a random chick on her way out of the bathroom stopped to re-bustle my dress. Everyone was buying us drinks and wishing us well. If I'm ever having a bad day, I'm just going to put on a wedding dress and wander around town because people will go out of their way to be nice to you.

We stayed until close and then staggered back to our suite at the Hyatt. We invited folks in for a quick drink but made it very clear they couldn't stay because we had *ahem* other plans for the evening.

Jason and I stayed up drinking complimentary champagne and eating chocolate covered strawberries, recounting our favorite moments from the night. In the morning, we packed up our stuff and headed out to Ontario Beach Park for our farewell picnic. We had Dinosaur BBQ and drank leftover beers from the wedding and it wasn't until about 5:00 when the high started to wear off and I crashed. I think we were all exhausted at that point. 

It was a long and tiring weekend but it was far and away the best three days of my life. I can't emphasize enough how amazing it was to have all of our closest friends and family at hand to help us celebrate our love for one another. I have never felt more beautiful, more fortunate, more loved. None of it would have been possible without the incredible generosity of our parents, who funded a very significant part of the events. We will never be able to thank you enough. Our fantastic vendors made the day run so smoothly and we really appreciate all of your flexibility and understanding even when things weren't exactly as planned! Of course my biggest thank you is to my wonderful husband, for being the reason we did had this whole party in the first place. I still can't believe how lucky I am to have you. 

I love you now and forever, in sunshine and in rain. 

The Wedding Planner

This day was nearly three years in the making. Here's how we pulled it off.

***

When I describe our first wedding, I never refer to it as an elopement, despite that being the very definition of what it was. That word always had such a shady connotation, as if you were somehow cheating yourself and others of the grand celebration that is required for such a momentous occasion. Firstly, getting married is not an accomplishment so everyone just needs to calm down about this being the most important day of your life, and secondly, the whole wedding industry is a giant racket. You want me to spend how much for five short hours of my life?? You're joking. How do I reconcile my frugal feminist spirit with my deep-seated compulsion to adhere to antiquated social norms? We eloped and caved in for a big party, mostly due to pressure from our parents, anyway.

But Nicole! It's your wedding day!
Nope. We already got married. This is their day. And I'm okay with that.

***

I am fairly organized so the idea of planning a wedding was not intimidating, especially since we had so long to do it. Every now and then, it was actually kind of nice to think about what a fun day we were going to have with all the people that we like the most. Guess who was NOT thrilled about planning our wedding. Hint: It's Jason.

They say, "If you can make it through the wedding planning process, then you can make it through anything." I used to scoff at this, imagining ourselves to be above such pettiness. We have planned week-long holidays for our friends and families on multiple occasions so we know that we make a good team. We have traveled the world together without much issue at all. Why would a wedding be any different?

It would probably be easier to list things that we didn't fight about in the process but I am going to spare you all the gory details and say that it was a challenge. I never realized how much I hated the phrase "I don't care" until recently. I understand if you don't have particular feelings one way or the other about seemingly insignificant details but if you say you don't care and then turn around and have something nasty to say about a decision I made, I am going to hurt you.

ProTip 1: Assign roles at the beginning and then trust that your partner will do a good job with whatever that task is. Only ask for their opinion if you really want it, not when you have already made a choice and you're expecting them to confirm it. If you really do want them to help you make up your mind on a particular issue and you are leaning one way or another, establish that you will listen to their feedback but that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to take their advice in the end.

I relied pretty heavily on Offbeat Bride and The Knot to help me stay on track. The Knot is basically everything I hate about weddings (making you feel shitty about your DIY decorations, convincing you that it's totally normal to spend $30K on one day, making everything an advertisement) but they had some really great organizational tools. The website builder is free and easy to use. The budget tracker gave you suggestions but allowed you to adjust them according to your needs. The planning checklist had great tips and reminders about things I totally would have forgotten about. And by far the most useful tool was the guest list feature. You have names, addresses, RSVP/ gift/thank you note status, meal preference all in one place AND a really nice seating chart application that allowed you to recreate your venue space and drag and drop your guests at tables, no complicated Post-it Notes madness needed.

*UPDATE: The Knot has since changed a lot of these tools and they are way less user friendly now. No more seating chart (but the guest list is still there), the budgeter is worthless and I don't love what they have done with the checklist. Sorry, guys.

ProTip 2: Technology is your friend. We saved a bunch of money by doing e-mail save the dates. No one needs another magnet with your face on it. Create a cloud-based shared folder for all things wedding and invite all the necessary parties (spouse to be, parents, wedding planner, etc.) We used Dropbox and it was a real life saver. Google Drive works great, too. Since we didn't want to have a bunch of physical stuff to take back to France with us, we registered at Zola. Our guests were able to contribute to different "wishes," like plane tickets home for Christmas and new home furnishings that we could then go and buy ourselves in Bordeaux. It seemed a lot nicer than just saying, "cash gifts only."

All of our big decisions had been made a long time again so in the last two months, all we had were little details to worry about. Once you have the RSVPs in hand, everything happens very quickly. You know how many tables you need so you can start doing the seating chart and getting centerpieces. The food, booze and dessert are all determined by the number of people that end up attending, as are favors, place cards and programs (if necessary).

ProTip 3: Close friends and families like to feel like they're helping. Relinquish control and find them something to do. We made place cards with Jason's family and the favors with mine and everyone was so proud to see the fruits of their labor on the big day.

Stuff for the tables. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Place cards. Thanks, Julie and Jackie!

I am an obsessive planner. I need a To-Do list with each item scheduled to the minute or I can't get anything done. If I get a little of schedule, it's okay, but having the structure is comforting to me. And I figured if I feel happy knowing exactly where I need to be and when, so will everyone else around me. Enter the wedding weekend itinerary. I had a detailed document with each event, times, the parties involved, contact information, what to bring, transportation suggestions, who was responsible for certain tasks... The whole works. It was immensely helpful. I printed copies and distributed them to all the necessary parties. I had scheduled salon appoints for my bridal party, our moms and Jason's sisters, and their stylists all had their pictures and beauty requests before they even met them so they could prepare as much as possible before the big day. Because that's how I roll.

ProTip 4: Don't feel locked in by a traditional wedding format. There are no rules to any of this. There are a lot of hot trends right now, many of which are huge money pits, but there is no reason you should feel obligated to do any of it if you don't want to. If your guests really are the most important people in your life, they are not going to give any shits if you don't have a program or giant floral centerpieces, or a signature cocktail. Welcome bags at the hotel seem like such a nice touch but when the hotel charges $12 a piece just to put them in the rooms, they start to look a lot less cute. Your guests are there to see you and to have a good time. All the rest is extra.

Since we're already married we asked my Uncle Craig to officiate the ceremony, no ordination necessary! I got a lot of inspiration here, here, and here but in the end, I trusted him to just say some nice things about us and share some personal anecdotes about the keys of a good marriage. We enlisted our siblings to do some readings that we both agreed on and we exchanged wedding bands. Doubly married!

ProTip 5: Do whatever you can to maximize time with your guests. Do pictures before the ceremony so you can get right to the party afterward. Doing rounds at tables was surprisingly difficult and time consuming. Everyone wants to see you and talk to you and ask you a million questions but you have to be diligent about moving on. We didn't get to every table because we spent too much time at some and I felt terrible about it.

ProTip 6: Have a designated drink runner. I don't think I made it back to the bar once the entire night and I would have died of thirst if Josh and Stefanie hadn't been keeping me well hydrated. Thanks, guys!

ProTip 7: Consider not just how you're getting everything to the wedding but also how you're taking it back at the end of the night. ArtisanWorks said they could keep things over the weekend but they weren't open on Sunday so if we wanted anything for the picnic the next day (leftover booze, for example) we needed to take it with us at the end of the night. This was a bit of a mess for us and we should have assigned spots in cars for things before we started drinking... Oops! I had to go back and grab a bunch of stuff on Monday when all I wanted to be doing was sleeping.

ProTip 8: If you've got a lot of dress, make sure at least a few people know how to bustle it or be able to explain it to someone. My mom was the only one who got the tutorial from the seamstress and I didn't even get to see it because I was busy wearing the dress. When it started to fall out, I was pretty useless to get it back in order. I didn't want to keep harassing her all night to come fix it and other friends offered but no one could really figure it out. I ended up carrying my train a lot. Also, think about peeing. Being a pretty pretty princess is all fun and games until you have to take a piss and half your dress ends up in the toilet and/or covered in urine.

ProTip 9: I had planned so aggressively leading up to the big day that I had nothing to worry about once it arrived. Less so for Jason, but that's okay. It all worked out in the end. Know that something will go wrong but don't let it get to you. We forgot to bring toys to give to the babysitter. I left my mini video camera batteries in the charger at the salon so we didn't have that to pass around all night. We had several no shows that we really thought were going to be there. It happens. Worry about you and your spouse having a good time and then, by default, everyone else will be happy, too.

ProTip 10: Look around you for a second. This is maybe the only time you will have all of these people in the same place at the same time. Enjoy it. They are the people you love the most in the whole world and they are all here for you and that's really awesome. Look at your spouse. Is he/she still breathing? Good. Are you? Great. Take it all in. Don't let the little moments slip away too fast.

It's your day, after all.